{Before I had her, I didn't think I'd want to post labor pictures, but after experiencing such an incredible day, I could care less what I looked like and more about having the memories all laid out here if for no one else but myself in the future..so here goes!}
Tomorrow will be four weeks since I delivered our beautiful girl. That day was absolutely magical and beautiful -- the most incredible experience -- and I miss that day really. Especially the moment I saw her in her tiny little pink hat with a big bow. That hat was so significant of that day. When I think of her birthday, I think of my sweet little girl in that hat - her very first article of clothing!
The hardest, most painful day of my life, but worth every ounce of pain for all 7 pounds and 10.8 ounces of our beautiful bundle.
~~~~
It was 4:30 a.m. when our alarm went off...and at that moment, I was wide awake. I didn't think I'd be able to sleep the night before, but I was tired as can be before going to bed so I slept like a baby! That is, until 4:30 a.m. Wish I could describe my feelings from that moment better, but I just know I was filled with tons of joy and fear at the same time. And I may have felt a little nauseous as well!
Today was the day I was going to meet my baby. To see her face. To explore every quality and characteristic of her that I had pondered about since the day I found out I was pregnant.
I was in the bathroom getting ready and got a little sentimental about my baby belly.
My baby girl had been inside there, hanging out with me day and night, for 40 weeks and 5 days. And now I was about to meet her. That very day. November 13, 2012. I knew I was going to miss that belly and everything about it. I loved being pregnant and I didn't feel fat, ugly, or anything of the sorts. I felt pure love for our baby girl growing inside of me and knew I would miss every kick, squirm, and hiccup from inside my belly.
I couldn't believe that in "x" amount of hours, I would go from being pregnant and having her inside me, to seeing what she looked like, holding her in my arms, looking at each other in the eyes, and laying skin to skin with our baby that we created.
I felt grateful, thankful, and blessed that I had made it to this point after how the pregnancy started out and venturing into the unknown. (more on that in another post)
I looked in the mirror to admire my baby belly one last time, snapped a (blurry) picture, and said a little prayer in hopes that the day would go well.
"Okay, I'm ready..you ready? Do we have everything? Let's go..."
We hopped in J's car, with an empty car seat awaiting a beautiful little life, and our bags in tow. Bags that were finished being packed last minute because I don't like being 100% ready only to wait.
We pulled out of the driveway, just us two and baby in the belly at around 5:45 am. The world seemed so peaceful at that moment -- still dark out, no cars in sight, a cool crisp breeze in the air, and only one thing on my mind -- our baby!
J looked at me as we slowly rolled away from our cul-de-sac and said "well, we're leaving our house as a married couple and will be coming home as a family."
The thought of that was so heartwarming! I had waited for this moment and it was amazing. But all I could really do was stay quiet and tell J that I was nervous, even though behind my obvious emotion of fear was pure happiness, joy, and love for the life that was to come.
And then, there we were. Sitting in the waiting room, waiting to be called back -- to have a baby!
The nurses walked us into our delivery room -- and I felt overwhelmed with those same feelings of joy and fear again. This was the room where my baby would greet the world. This was the room where I would give birth and remember this experience for the rest of my life. This was it.
I changed into my hospital gown and took a look around. I wanted to remember it all. The "Women's Center" souvenir backpack full of women's care items as though I should be excited about that, my "Patient's Belongings" bag where the clothes would go that I wore on my way to have my baby, the bed my baby would lay in the moment she was born so they could check her out, and the sign with my goal of the day to "Have a healthy baby!"
Please, God, let me have a healthy baby, I thought!
I crawled up into the bed, hospital gown wide open in back, got stuck 3 times to get the IV started, and then laid back to get comfy. When it was just J and I in the room, we paused for a few moments to look around again and soak up what was about to happen. It was calm, the sun was rising, and I took note of the beautiful view out the window.
We called our parents to come shortly after the Pitocin was started, and within a few hours, I was fully dilated, in full blown labor, lots of pain, and not enough time for an epidural. The pain was all in my back!
It was 1:12pm, I was having contractions that I don't even really remember at this point because they were so absolutely intense that I felt as though I were in a different world. It was as though I were in a different room that I had no idea where it was, surrounded by different people that I didn't know, and I'd try bringing myself back to reality once in a while and think about what exactly was going on. I can honestly say that in all the times I had anticipated what these moments would be like and how joyous they would be, I had no idea how much of an out of body experience it would be. Contraction after contraction, it really gave me no time to 'think' -- to think about how excited I was, how scared I was, or what the heck was going on.
And at 1:12pm I remember the nurse saying to J, "I think the baby will be here by 2pm, this is happening fast!" and I thought to myself, "how the *#!$#%^ am I going to make it to 2pm feeling like this?!?"
Well, I did, I made it beyond 2 pm. 4:34pm to be exact. I just kept thinking "where is she?! is she almost here?! I just want her here!" Baby girl was sunny side up and decided to make it extremely hard to come out!
J was on one side of me, being the most amazing husband, coach, soon-to-be-father, student doctor, etc. that he could be. He was cool, calm, and collected, (until the very end!) and held my body as needed, fed me ice chips as requested, and stood by my side through it all.
"Push, push, push! You're doing so great, baby, you got this, keep pushing, one more push, breath!" His words of encouragement the entire time kept me going.
My mom was on the other side of me, helping out with that side of my body and doing anything and everything she could to make things as easy on me as possible. And my mother-in-law taking pictures - pictures that she knew I would want to look back on. It's not until I look back that I remember this, because in the moment, I had no idea what was going on in the room at all!
Somewhere after 2pm, the doctor came in and offered an epidural and said I could rest for a few hours and try pushing again later, or have a c-section. The most amazing nurse I could have asked for gave me many words of encouragement and said she knew I could do this, I didn't need either of those if I didn't want. And truthfully, I didn't even have the time to think or answer or acknowledge the questions. Contractions just kept on coming minute after minute, in full force, and instead of thinking, all I could do was push.
We switched positions plenty of times -- felt like I was doing all sorts of dances with a fully exposed, well, everything -- and baby girl just didn't want to flip over.
The doctor came back in, fully dressed for baby's arrival, swarms of others filled the room, all with scrubs and gloves ready for baby, and I just thought, this must be it. It must be time for my baby. She must almost be here.
I'm not even sure if I was interacting with anyone, but pushing, pushing, pushing, breathing, breathing, breathing, and then I heard it...
"I see the head..I see dark hair!"
I knew it was just about that moment. That moment of magic. I was about to see our baby, to make that connection with her and see her for the first time. The moment I had day dreamed about for months. The moment that when I would day dream about it, I'd get tears in my eyes just wondering how it would feel. It was almost here.
J speaking sweetly in my ear, "she's almost here, our baby is almost here," with a voice that was far from a cool, calm, collected doctor's voice. He was a dad in this moment, not a doctor. I loved that. His love and excitement as a father poured out in that moment, and everything he was saying in my ear as I pushed for the last time made my heart melt. We were about to meet our girl.
I pushed for 3 1/2 hours straight, somehow, and after hours of cold towels on the head, a fan blowing straight on my face, squeezing my husband and mother's shirt, hands, anything I could get my hands on, NO epidural, and an episiotomy later, our baby girl came out, face up, and my husband had his hands on my head and dug his head into mine to say "oh my god, our baby..she's beautiful"..and no more words, just emotions and happiness and pure, pure joy that our baby girl whose arrival we had been anticipating all this time, just made her entrance to meet us - her mommy and daddy!
I loved that in a moment of craziness, where the baby had to be handed off quickly to suction out blood from her lungs, our doctor (and one of J's lecturers at school), Dr. Wells, had a smile on her face. Even after her normal routine of delivering babies on a daily basis, she still smiles when a baby is born. That made me happy.
Everything about this moment made me happy and I wish I could bottle it all up - all of the emotions, the sounds, the craziness, the love, everything - and keep it with me always.
Her quiet cry was beautiful. It also scared me, as I remember asking "why isn't she crying? is she okay? I can't hear her!" I was assured she was fine, and J gave me kisses and hugs and told me we have a baby!
I looked at him and pointed my finger towards our little girl and told him to "Go..go see her! Tell me about her! Is she okay?"
She was great. She just needed a moment to start breathing properly on her own, and it happened. Thank God! She was beautiful. And wonderful. And magical. They weighed her, put that little pink hat on, the one I will always remember (and keep!) and Daddy brought my beautiful girl over to me.
Amazing.
I wondered for months what I would say to her the first time I saw her. I wondered what she would look like, sound like, and what those first words from me would be. I don't even know what they were. I know J put his head against mine as we admired our baby, tears flowing, and he said look at our baby! And that moment was magical. Better than Disney magical! The most magical feeling in the world. The feeling of meeting your baby for the first time.
At 4:34 p.m., we met our 'goal of the day' - we had a healthy baby, and our world completely changed in a moment!
Her proud grandparents were there to meet her. And were obviously in love!
The next few days were spent ooh-ing and aah-ing over our little creation. The many faces of our baby girl kept us entertained for hours.
And when it was our time to go home, those crazy feelings again -- excitement, joy and fear combined.
It was my turn for that moment -- the moment I've seen many pictures of with all the girls in my family and their babies, the moment where I've been at hospitals and witnessed happy new momma's being rolled out in the wheelchair with their new babies in their arms, looking as proud as ever. It's like their glory stroll. A moment I had no idea what it felt like until it was my turn to sit down in that wheelchair. It was actually one of the most overwhelmed-with-joy moments in the hospital and I hadn't even thought about it in the months prior. I thought about meeting her for the first time and everything that goes along with that, but not about that wheelchair stroll with my baby in my arms and everyone around me looking at me in pure happiness and excitement for me - a stranger to them. This was my moment to leave the hospital and bring my baby out into the world. To bring her home and start our lives together as a family. This was that moment.
Daddy went out and heated up the car, pulled up to the hospital's front doors, and strapped our newborn into her car seat. It was time to bring her home.
I sat in back with our baby. J pulled out of the parking lot and I let out a large sigh. "You okay?" he asked. "Yeah, just overwhelmed I guess!"
Happily overwhelmed, might I add! I was grateful to be bringing home our healthy baby 2 days after delivering her. So very thankful to God for our blessing!
We were greeted at home by our parents to a clean home, fresh flowers, a delicious dinner and cake with family, and a very happy, curious and proud big brother pup!
Yup, our world has changed in an amazing way. Thanks to one little blessing that is our daugther! We are proud, proud, parents! :)
Tomorrow will be four weeks since I delivered our beautiful girl. That day was absolutely magical and beautiful -- the most incredible experience -- and I miss that day really. Especially the moment I saw her in her tiny little pink hat with a big bow. That hat was so significant of that day. When I think of her birthday, I think of my sweet little girl in that hat - her very first article of clothing!
The hardest, most painful day of my life, but worth every ounce of pain for all 7 pounds and 10.8 ounces of our beautiful bundle.
~~~~
It was 4:30 a.m. when our alarm went off...and at that moment, I was wide awake. I didn't think I'd be able to sleep the night before, but I was tired as can be before going to bed so I slept like a baby! That is, until 4:30 a.m. Wish I could describe my feelings from that moment better, but I just know I was filled with tons of joy and fear at the same time. And I may have felt a little nauseous as well!
Today was the day I was going to meet my baby. To see her face. To explore every quality and characteristic of her that I had pondered about since the day I found out I was pregnant.
I was in the bathroom getting ready and got a little sentimental about my baby belly.
My baby girl had been inside there, hanging out with me day and night, for 40 weeks and 5 days. And now I was about to meet her. That very day. November 13, 2012. I knew I was going to miss that belly and everything about it. I loved being pregnant and I didn't feel fat, ugly, or anything of the sorts. I felt pure love for our baby girl growing inside of me and knew I would miss every kick, squirm, and hiccup from inside my belly.
I couldn't believe that in "x" amount of hours, I would go from being pregnant and having her inside me, to seeing what she looked like, holding her in my arms, looking at each other in the eyes, and laying skin to skin with our baby that we created.
I felt grateful, thankful, and blessed that I had made it to this point after how the pregnancy started out and venturing into the unknown. (more on that in another post)
I looked in the mirror to admire my baby belly one last time, snapped a (blurry) picture, and said a little prayer in hopes that the day would go well.
"Okay, I'm ready..you ready? Do we have everything? Let's go..."
We hopped in J's car, with an empty car seat awaiting a beautiful little life, and our bags in tow. Bags that were finished being packed last minute because I don't like being 100% ready only to wait.
We pulled out of the driveway, just us two and baby in the belly at around 5:45 am. The world seemed so peaceful at that moment -- still dark out, no cars in sight, a cool crisp breeze in the air, and only one thing on my mind -- our baby!
J looked at me as we slowly rolled away from our cul-de-sac and said "well, we're leaving our house as a married couple and will be coming home as a family."
The thought of that was so heartwarming! I had waited for this moment and it was amazing. But all I could really do was stay quiet and tell J that I was nervous, even though behind my obvious emotion of fear was pure happiness, joy, and love for the life that was to come.
And then, there we were. Sitting in the waiting room, waiting to be called back -- to have a baby!
The nurses walked us into our delivery room -- and I felt overwhelmed with those same feelings of joy and fear again. This was the room where my baby would greet the world. This was the room where I would give birth and remember this experience for the rest of my life. This was it.
I changed into my hospital gown and took a look around. I wanted to remember it all. The "Women's Center" souvenir backpack full of women's care items as though I should be excited about that, my "Patient's Belongings" bag where the clothes would go that I wore on my way to have my baby, the bed my baby would lay in the moment she was born so they could check her out, and the sign with my goal of the day to "Have a healthy baby!"
Please, God, let me have a healthy baby, I thought!
I crawled up into the bed, hospital gown wide open in back, got stuck 3 times to get the IV started, and then laid back to get comfy. When it was just J and I in the room, we paused for a few moments to look around again and soak up what was about to happen. It was calm, the sun was rising, and I took note of the beautiful view out the window.
We called our parents to come shortly after the Pitocin was started, and within a few hours, I was fully dilated, in full blown labor, lots of pain, and not enough time for an epidural. The pain was all in my back!
It was 1:12pm, I was having contractions that I don't even really remember at this point because they were so absolutely intense that I felt as though I were in a different world. It was as though I were in a different room that I had no idea where it was, surrounded by different people that I didn't know, and I'd try bringing myself back to reality once in a while and think about what exactly was going on. I can honestly say that in all the times I had anticipated what these moments would be like and how joyous they would be, I had no idea how much of an out of body experience it would be. Contraction after contraction, it really gave me no time to 'think' -- to think about how excited I was, how scared I was, or what the heck was going on.
And at 1:12pm I remember the nurse saying to J, "I think the baby will be here by 2pm, this is happening fast!" and I thought to myself, "how the *#!$#%^ am I going to make it to 2pm feeling like this?!?"
Well, I did, I made it beyond 2 pm. 4:34pm to be exact. I just kept thinking "where is she?! is she almost here?! I just want her here!" Baby girl was sunny side up and decided to make it extremely hard to come out!
J was on one side of me, being the most amazing husband, coach, soon-to-be-father, student doctor, etc. that he could be. He was cool, calm, and collected, (until the very end!) and held my body as needed, fed me ice chips as requested, and stood by my side through it all.
"Push, push, push! You're doing so great, baby, you got this, keep pushing, one more push, breath!" His words of encouragement the entire time kept me going.
My mom was on the other side of me, helping out with that side of my body and doing anything and everything she could to make things as easy on me as possible. And my mother-in-law taking pictures - pictures that she knew I would want to look back on. It's not until I look back that I remember this, because in the moment, I had no idea what was going on in the room at all!
Somewhere after 2pm, the doctor came in and offered an epidural and said I could rest for a few hours and try pushing again later, or have a c-section. The most amazing nurse I could have asked for gave me many words of encouragement and said she knew I could do this, I didn't need either of those if I didn't want. And truthfully, I didn't even have the time to think or answer or acknowledge the questions. Contractions just kept on coming minute after minute, in full force, and instead of thinking, all I could do was push.
We switched positions plenty of times -- felt like I was doing all sorts of dances with a fully exposed, well, everything -- and baby girl just didn't want to flip over.
The doctor came back in, fully dressed for baby's arrival, swarms of others filled the room, all with scrubs and gloves ready for baby, and I just thought, this must be it. It must be time for my baby. She must almost be here.
I'm not even sure if I was interacting with anyone, but pushing, pushing, pushing, breathing, breathing, breathing, and then I heard it...
"I see the head..I see dark hair!"
I knew it was just about that moment. That moment of magic. I was about to see our baby, to make that connection with her and see her for the first time. The moment I had day dreamed about for months. The moment that when I would day dream about it, I'd get tears in my eyes just wondering how it would feel. It was almost here.
J speaking sweetly in my ear, "she's almost here, our baby is almost here," with a voice that was far from a cool, calm, collected doctor's voice. He was a dad in this moment, not a doctor. I loved that. His love and excitement as a father poured out in that moment, and everything he was saying in my ear as I pushed for the last time made my heart melt. We were about to meet our girl.
I pushed for 3 1/2 hours straight, somehow, and after hours of cold towels on the head, a fan blowing straight on my face, squeezing my husband and mother's shirt, hands, anything I could get my hands on, NO epidural, and an episiotomy later, our baby girl came out, face up, and my husband had his hands on my head and dug his head into mine to say "oh my god, our baby..she's beautiful"..and no more words, just emotions and happiness and pure, pure joy that our baby girl whose arrival we had been anticipating all this time, just made her entrance to meet us - her mommy and daddy!
I loved that in a moment of craziness, where the baby had to be handed off quickly to suction out blood from her lungs, our doctor (and one of J's lecturers at school), Dr. Wells, had a smile on her face. Even after her normal routine of delivering babies on a daily basis, she still smiles when a baby is born. That made me happy.
Everything about this moment made me happy and I wish I could bottle it all up - all of the emotions, the sounds, the craziness, the love, everything - and keep it with me always.
Her quiet cry was beautiful. It also scared me, as I remember asking "why isn't she crying? is she okay? I can't hear her!" I was assured she was fine, and J gave me kisses and hugs and told me we have a baby!
I looked at him and pointed my finger towards our little girl and told him to "Go..go see her! Tell me about her! Is she okay?"
She was great. She just needed a moment to start breathing properly on her own, and it happened. Thank God! She was beautiful. And wonderful. And magical. They weighed her, put that little pink hat on, the one I will always remember (and keep!) and Daddy brought my beautiful girl over to me.
Amazing.
I wondered for months what I would say to her the first time I saw her. I wondered what she would look like, sound like, and what those first words from me would be. I don't even know what they were. I know J put his head against mine as we admired our baby, tears flowing, and he said look at our baby! And that moment was magical. Better than Disney magical! The most magical feeling in the world. The feeling of meeting your baby for the first time.
At 4:34 p.m., we met our 'goal of the day' - we had a healthy baby, and our world completely changed in a moment!
Her proud grandparents were there to meet her. And were obviously in love!
The next few days were spent ooh-ing and aah-ing over our little creation. The many faces of our baby girl kept us entertained for hours.
And when it was our time to go home, those crazy feelings again -- excitement, joy and fear combined.
It was my turn for that moment -- the moment I've seen many pictures of with all the girls in my family and their babies, the moment where I've been at hospitals and witnessed happy new momma's being rolled out in the wheelchair with their new babies in their arms, looking as proud as ever. It's like their glory stroll. A moment I had no idea what it felt like until it was my turn to sit down in that wheelchair. It was actually one of the most overwhelmed-with-joy moments in the hospital and I hadn't even thought about it in the months prior. I thought about meeting her for the first time and everything that goes along with that, but not about that wheelchair stroll with my baby in my arms and everyone around me looking at me in pure happiness and excitement for me - a stranger to them. This was my moment to leave the hospital and bring my baby out into the world. To bring her home and start our lives together as a family. This was that moment.
Daddy went out and heated up the car, pulled up to the hospital's front doors, and strapped our newborn into her car seat. It was time to bring her home.
I sat in back with our baby. J pulled out of the parking lot and I let out a large sigh. "You okay?" he asked. "Yeah, just overwhelmed I guess!"
Happily overwhelmed, might I add! I was grateful to be bringing home our healthy baby 2 days after delivering her. So very thankful to God for our blessing!
We were greeted at home by our parents to a clean home, fresh flowers, a delicious dinner and cake with family, and a very happy, curious and proud big brother pup!
Yup, our world has changed in an amazing way. Thanks to one little blessing that is our daugther! We are proud, proud, parents! :)
